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Thursday, September 11, 2008

Are Friends and Family Sabotaging Your Weight Loss?

by The Fitness Diva

Are Friends and Family Sabotaging Your Weight Loss?

You've embarked upon a diet and exercise plan, and you're psyched up and ready to give it your best. However, the only one who seems supportive and happy about it all is you. Your spouse continues to pack the fridge with fatty foods and sugary drinks, making a point to eat fast food and calorie rich treats in your presence, your friends seem to only want to engage in activities that are sure to derail your eating plan, like partying and attending eating engagements, and your kids cry for attention every time you head out the door to the gym, or to go for a quick jog.

Why does it feel like the ones you love are trying to help you fail?
Well, the answers are not that hard to come by when you really think about it.

While for the most part, those closest to you only want to see you happy, they can also be afraid of the changes that occur when you take a proactive stand at achieving something new in your life. Sometimes they're afraid that they'll get left behind, or that they will somehow become less of a priority in your life as you become this assertive, confident, accomplished new person.

Let's face it; losing weight is empowering, and it's bound to change your personality in ways that threaten and shake the foundation of those that depend on you. Especially spouses, mates, close relatives, children, and sometimes even your very best friends. People that are used to you putting your needs aside to be there for them will sometimes express the most resistance to your newfound sense of self.

For a husband or boyfriend, seeing you become more confident and attractive is definitely a threat. It's a known fact that many partners actually take an active role in sabotaging their other half's self esteem because of their own possessiveness and low self esteem issues. The better you start to look and feel about yourself, the bigger a threat it becomes to the hold they have on you. They'd rather see you remain overweight and insecure. That way they'll have less fear of you ever wanting to leave.

Is your spouse or girlfriend complaining that you work out too much, or that your workouts are taking time away from them? Do they ridicule your fitness and weight loss efforts instead of supporting you completely? If so, this might be a sign of an unhealthy relationship where the person's need to control and possess you supercedes seeing you healthy and doing well.

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gLoR!e said...

i like this blog when it all talks about weight loss because that is my main goal of my body to have flatten stomach..heheh

Breeni Books said...

Having kids is the worst dieting influence. You hate to deprive them of treats just to allow yourself to stick to a diet.

cchiovitti said...

Family and eating. Eeep. Not good bedfellows at all. Our beloved family is very good at sabotaging our food restrictions (allergies) with things like "well, just a little bit won't hurt". Um, sure, that's why I packed his EpiPen.

The same goes for being slender in a predominantly overweight family - constant questions about your mental health because, obviously, if you're thin you must be anorexic.

Jennifer said...

My husband is the culprit. He'll bring home dessert and always wants to eat heavier meals than I want.

√ėyvind said...

My family have always told me that I was too thin. I got tired of the comments.. Now that I've gained weight (after quitting smoking) they are saying I should loose some weight. can't they decide? Argh..

durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hi Fitness Diva,

You said it very succinctly about people around being threatened by an improvement in another. These people have low self-esteem and if this is in a relationship, it is an unhealthy one. There are peoiple who have a vested interest in keeping others the way they are, to enhance their own superiority.

This is what is termed as crab mentality. When crabs are placed in a basket, they all attempt to crawl out. Any one of them that gains a measure of success is pulled down by the rest. The result is , none of them get out.

So if the one improving himself/herself is being pulled down, he/she should not allow this to happen. I agree with you totally here. It would be okay if one has the patience to assuage their fears or nurture their self-confidence, but that's asking a lot after being in a relationship for some time.If the other party puts you down and becomes un-supportive, what's the sense in having a relationship eh?

On another note, you have been named a recipient of the Brillante Weblog Awards. Check it out at:

Well deserved! :-) --Durano, done!

Strongblkwmn said...

It was a lot easier for me to be dedicated to my diet and exercise when my husband was doing it as well. When he stopped I did my best to keep going, but then I went on vacation to Cancun and all hell broke loose. LOL!

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

Thank you so much for the credits! I was so excited to see that I won!
Karen C.

Judy said...

I know the sabotage feeling. Hubby and I dieted for 6 weeks...He lost 20 pounds, I lost 8! Unbelievable! I watched what I ate more carefully than he, but the pounds just dropped off him (of course, I had more to lose and still do). Then he went back to wanting heavy meals with all the trimmings...his favorite being anything pasta! Pasta is my weakness, sooooo, have not gained the 8 pounds back, but I'm not losing either.

http://www.revealedreflections.com said...

Love your site. I can't remember how I found you, but will bookmark your site and visit often.

I've been fighting the battle of the bulge for way too long. This is my time to win the battle so will gather other winners around me as I walk this journey. Thanks for your blog.

The Fitness Diva said...

Hey, Glorie,
Keeping that stomach flat is a must!
Especially if you like showing it off in nice weather! ;)

breeni, when I hang around my nieces and nephews, the hardest thing is getting them to not want Mickey D's and Chinese food. They look at veggies as if they're foreign objects! lol I'm sure it's not easy to make everybody be good all the time.

cchiovitti, my family is the worst influence of all when I visit them (they live in another state). It actually becomes a battle of the influences; I try to make them see the good in eating healthy, and they try to make me eat as much as they can sit in front of me before I hop back on the plane to come home.
I get called skinny a lot when I go down south (NC) where dinner is called "an all you can eat buffet". They think I'm a bit nuts for being so into fitness and eating right.
But look who doesn't have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and all those other nice little things you get when you don't take care of yourself properly. All of those things run in my family, and a lot of my relatives have those diseases.

Pressure from your family can really be an issue in some cases.

The Fitness Diva said...

Jennifer, my ex boyfriend used to bring home a large pizza when he knew I was dieting. Then it became a standoff to see whether or not I'd cave in and have more than one slice. lol
Most times I stayed strong, but on others...well, not so much!

Oyvind, you just have to be happy with your weight. Everyone else will just have to follow... lol

Durano, thanks for the great comments as usual, and thanks so much for the award!
I am SO honored, especially coming from you. I will accept it and also pass it on! :)

The Fitness Diva said...

strongblk, it's always easier when everyone is on the same page! ;)

Judy, that reminds me of that TV commercial where the woman says her husband stopped drinking soda and lost 13 lbs, and she drinks nothing but water for a year, and only lost 2. Isn't that just the way it goes?
SO unfair! lol Most men are lucky like that! Their hips never widen and many of them can wear the same pants they did in high school!
While I know that's not true for all, quite a few do have that fast metabolism for life. Why didn't I get that? lol

The Fitness Diva said...

Thank you so much, Revealed.

What a nice comment to read on your blog. I'm happy to know that you enjoy my blog, and will keep working hard at it!

Hope to see you back soon! :)

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