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Saturday, May 10, 2008

Just Another Fly on the Wall

So, it's around 6 am in the morning, and I'm awakened by screaming. I mean blood curdling SCREAMING. I sit up in bed and cock my ears to figure out what the hell is going on. Then, a woman, screaming and cursing, begins to rant "Look what you did to me!!!!"..."LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!" I then realize that it's the couple across the alley having a real knock down, drag out fight. And it's the first time I've ever heard this type of display from them.

She is screaming, crying and going on and on, and I'm sitting there wondering whether or not to call the cops. Does she need help? It's a tricky situation. I'm not even sure of which apartment it is...

So, I keep listening and wait for a cue. Then, it starts to get deep. "I can't believe you put your hands on me! I can't believe you put your hands on me!! You put your hands on ME????!" and then the kicker, "And I pay for EVERYTHING!!" Oh, well. There it is. ALL their business out in the street!! OMG!

ALL THIS IS MY SH*T! I pay for EVERYTHING! And you gonna hit me?!" It went on like that for a few. Then it eventually becomes "Get OUT! GET OUT!! I want you OUT!!!" another 10 minutes of "I want you OUT!!" accompanied by these little screams of frustration. Then, later on I hear her say "It's not funny. IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!"

At that point I'm realizing that if he's sitting there laughing, that this is just gonna be another one of your typical "she's mad today, but will forgive him tomorrow" sagas, that so many women allow themselves to cycle through. Even after physical violence. Pretty soon after that, it ended.
An hour of screaming and crying, and for all that I know, the guy is still living there. I don't know what's the deal, but I'll have to ask my neighbor upstairs when I see her. She might know more than I was able to gather from that mess!

Once it was quiet again, everyone in the buildings resumed their morning rituals. My upstairs neighbor's radio got turned back up, the maintenance guys could be heard gathering up the garbage and such, and all the typical morning sounds ensued. It seemed that we all had stopped and held our breath to listen to this thing unfold. All I could think was "that's just crazy".

I've never been one to understand why a woman puts up with that type of behavior from a man. And I've been in more than a few relationships, on tons of dates, and have also been married. My exes would NEVER have raised their hands to me. I just don't pick those type of men. I have a radar that weeds them out. I can tell in one or two dates if a man is controlling, violent, chauvinistic, or if he has misogynistic tendencies. I just can, don't ask me how. Those guys don't make it through my net. The moment they act up, THEY'RE OUT. Nothing is worth "having a man" if you have to put up with all that to get it. Why some women feel otherwise, I'll never know! Nuff' said!

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Debra said...

I am very thankful for the husband I have....I don't think I could live a life like that. Hopefully things will work out!! (and you can get some sleep)

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durano lawayan a.k.a. brad spit said...

Hi Fitness Diva,

Good for you that you can detect the type of man you go out with and have the strength of character to throw them out at the first hint of anything unacceptable - unlike perhaps your neighbor.

I also often wondered why women put up with these - part of it is culture and religious brainwashing.

Anyway, it would be insane ( i seem to be enamored by this term since returning from Bangkok) for any man to want to tangle with you. Just looking at your avatar is awesome, and I wouldn't want to be struck by anything like it that is reinforced by anger and conviction. LOL! :-) --Durano, done!

Mirius said...

Why do women put up with it? For the same reasons that men put up with it, and yes, it does happen, more than you'd think, but there is a huge social stigma about it.

But that aside, it sounds to me like this woman is in control of the situation. Some women like to be controlled. It has nothing to do with social conditioning or brainwashing. Some men like to be controlled for the same reasons, it's just how we are wired. To judge them as being somehow weak or brainwashed is frankly demeaning. I know some very strong women who like to be controlled.

Now situations which aren't consensual are a whole different ball game, but this particular relationship sounds pretty consensual to me. People are complex and it's very hard to read a relationship from an outside point of view. It sounds as though he hit her. We don't know why he did that - even if it was something that she caused. If he was laughing at her then to me that opens up whole new dimensions as to the nature of the relationship, not all of which are automatically bad.

The Fitness Diva said...

You're pretty luck, Debra...not all women can say that!

Hey, Durano. I've dated guys bigger and taller than me, so I'm not thinking that my little ol' muscles are scaring anybody! lol
But honestly? I hate abusers. I am definitely the wrong woman to get caught up with one. You'd be seeing me in one of those stories on Court TV....in cuffs and all....

Mirius...interesting take on it. I ,not being of that mind, of course can't comprehend it. But I guess there are some who get some type of thrill or reward for having that type of dynamic in their relationship(s). Different strokes, eh?

Urban Thought said...

That is some crazy mess but all too common from where I come from.

I remember leaving out the house for work at around 5am. This man is standing over his car. The door to the car is open while he is holding it. His female companion is sitting in the car. He's screaming, "Get the fugg out my car. This is my ish. Get the fugg out. Walk your ass home. Get the fugg out. You hear me? Are you listening?"

All I can think was, "I hear you. I'm listening... its 5am in the morning. Are you serious right now? I know you wouldn't let her go home this late or early in the morning by herself? Are you serious right now? Do you not have respect for her let alone yourself?"

I don't know what it is about people. They just don't care. I always tell folk, whether we are in a relationship or just friends, don't have me out in the street arguing. I'm walking away from you. I'm not for it. I don't believe in yelling and all that other stuff.

But ain't it funny how we stop to watch and then go about our business like that is the norm? LOL Life is funny.

Anonymous said...

You're right...nothing is worth putting up with that crap. Nothing!

I don't understand it either.

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