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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

You Are Who You Hang With

Birds of a feather flock together. How many times have you heard that? Well, for the most part, it's true, isn't it? Take a look at the people you spend most of your free time with. With a few exceptions, they tend to be pretty much like you in many ways. Your likes, dislikes, habits, favorite activities, etc., pretty much seem to line all up. Of course, personal style, personalities and personal points of view differ, but for the most part, you GET each other, without too much needing to be explained, right?

Take a look at your "inner circle". Who are they? Are you with a bunch of happy, well adjusted, positive, achieving types, or is your group more of a constant bitch and moan party? Are your friends more the status conscious, social climbing types, striving to be the elite? Or is your bunch the down home, baseball, Budweiser and backyard barbecue type? Are your friends all adventure junkie daredevil weekend warriors? Or are you part of the Mommy set?

Question: How would you feel if someone told you you were "just like" any one of them? If you'd feel okay with it, then, great. You've picked yourself a great group of people to be a part of. That's a cool little test, you know? If being described as being similar to one of your closest friends doesn't send you into a litany of "but I don't...."s and "but I'm not....."s trying to defend against the comparison, then that's a good sign. But if your first reaction is "I am NOTHING like so and so!" (said with a bit of horror and revulsion), then you'd better take another look in the mirror, no?

I think I hang with a pretty good set of people. I look around myself and see a bunch of smart, funny, go getters who work hard and play harder....just like me! ;)

While we're all different in race, gender, upbringing, etc, etc, we all share the same passion for living a great life, working hard and going the extra mile to achieve things. We all work out, do recreational sports, are well traveled, multilingual (by choice, not logistics or necessity), curious as hell about life, and willing to get up off our butts to do some exploring when need be.
We are also hard partiers! I love people who know how to work hard AND play hard!

We're all single and loving it, no children (wait...one is married, but she still hangs),and we're like a bunch of big kids in a candy store with a pocket full of money. The world is our oyster!

The best thing about my friends is that they are the type that would be down if I said, "hey..let's go try to climb Mount Kilimanjaro". YEP! I might not get the whole crew on that one, but trust me, I wouldn't be climbing that mountain alone! My friends are a seriously gung ho bunch of peeps! LOVE them for that! ;)

I'm not bragging....I feel blessed. Not only to be able to live such a life, but to have found such good people to share good times and grow with.

So, what are your friends like? Are they good for you or are they just holding you back? It's said that one of the best ways to be successful is to surround yourself with successful people. I'm thinking the same applies for being happy, staying fit and active, etc. Your friends are there to not only support but also to inspire you. What do you think?

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Anonymous said...

if they're holding you back then they're not really friends are they?

Akira said...

I'm am by myself most of the time but I agree that you are who you mix with. The fact that you have such great single but enjoying it frends do inspire me to look for them as well!

Urban Thought said...

Like most people, there are different sides of me.

My friends vary in many areas. Some are fit, some are creative types, others are career driven and many are well traveled (or are smart enough to know that India is apart of Asia).

I've had times when someone would compare me to one of my close friends. It only bothered me once because what they pointed out wasn't actually who I was as a person. The made assumptions based on how my friend lived. Me and my friend have lots in common, but not everything. So it took me.

For the most part I can say that all my friends have one common denominator, a good heart. Cannot beat that. I have one. They have one. We all have one. And its the greatest unifier.

Kim Sawyer said...

Your post is very true. I have a variety of friends that represent different aspects of my personality.

asithi said...

You are lucky! It is great to have friends that you can hang out with. And the money for fun.

I am an introvert, though most people do not think so. So I like that my friends are so different from me because they pull me away from my comfort zone. I insist we go to an art show and they get me on a jet ski. Things like that is important because I do not want to surround myself with people that are too much like me.

But I think the reason why my friendship works is that I am old enough to know what I value. Because of that, I do not drift along with friends doing only whatever they want and constantly needing their company.

Irene said...

OMG--I think this is so true! I tell this to my husband all the time because he tends to have friends, or so-called friends, around him who reflect badly on him.

The Fitness Diva said...


People can hold each other back without realizing it or meaning to just by being apathetic, lazy or unmotivating. If you're the type that feeds off other's energy to some degree, then yes, hanging around those types can hold you back.
Just means you might need to start cultivating some additional, more active friends to hang with.

Akira, I'm finding single life to be GREAAATTT! I was married once before, and while it wasn't a bad marriage or anything, I've grown into myself enough to realize that I don't need to be married or in a relationship to be happy. Once I let all that conformist thinking of "OMG...I MUST have a MAN/HUSBAND to be complete!!" go, life opened up for me in ways you cannot imagine. If you can find other single friends who get that, and understand you on that, it's even better!

Urban, a good heart is the best common denominator among friends.
I know my peeps all have good hearts. Otherwise, I couldn't hang with them!

The Fitness Diva said...

Kim, my friends have pretty much reflected the different stages of my life. There were my school friends, then my party 24-7 friends, my boxing/fighter/ martial arts friends, my travel friends, my gym friends....
Now, my friends are pretty much all of the above to different degrees (except the fighters...I miss hanging around martial artists!).
I tended to cultivate people around whatever I happened to be doing at the time. For better or for worse!

Asithi, I agree with you that choosing people different from you opens up your world and expands your horizons. That's a great way to do it!
As for following, it's something I've never really done. We think a lot alike, my friends and I, but at the end of the day, we all have our own minds, and have no problem saying "nah, you go ahead. I'm gonna do THIS instead.." to each other.
I think it's a case of water seeking its own level, the way certain types of people tend to gravitate to each other.

Strongblkwmn said...

I've never really been what one would call a social butterfly. I have a core group of friends that I see from time to time. Most of them are single and i'm married so our responsibilities are different. While they were partying I was raising children and my husband. LOL!

My daughter has started her career and my son will be beginning his first year of college so i'm ready to get it going. Some of my friends now have young kids and are jealous of my freedom. HAHA, that's the advantage of having kids young.

I love my friends! We always have a ball when we're together and each one of us bring different things to the table. There's the mother, the comediane, the planner, regulator, the party animal, and so on. A few of us are all of those things wrapped into one.

Some of my friends have moved and others are busy with careers so we don't get to talk as often but when we do it's just like we never parted. I feel lucky to have my core group of friends. A lot of people don't have that.

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Shelia said...

Like Urban Thought and yourself Fitness Diva, I've got friends that represent the various aspects of myself as well as my friends that are down for the cause (no matter what the cause).

I pretty much hang out with my sister who is my best and most friend. She is me and I am her. No matter what the other likes/dislikes the blood of love and friendship covers it all. She's my only sister and she's the older sister. I have thought that she was a treasure ever since I can remember.

The best thing that my friends represent is space and time. No matter how we have become separated because of work, education, family etc., and no matter how long it has been since we've connected, whenever we get together, it's all good. The bond of those friendships has been immeasurable throughout the years.

Nice point of discussion going into the weekend. I hope that yours is a nice one.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

And we are what we eat. Yep, I tend to hang with the folks that have like interests. Except I'm not retired and living the life of leisure. Okay, I'm boating most of the time. Have a great weekend. :)

melanie said...

I pretty much just hang by myself or with my hubby and daughter. I'm pretty shy so it's hard for me to meet new people.

Fruity said...

Great to hear your friends are so supportive. Ain't easy to find at times when everyone is so busy with their own thing and life

Marlaine said...

I think I know what you mean. I have some amazing friends that I acquired because of a shared love of cycling. I appreciate friends who keep me getting up and going.

Ehav Ever said...

All of my really close friends have been comical people. Also people who are very philosophical, but many of friends we spend a lot of time trying to make each other laugh. It is funny how similar my friends have been in that way.

Natural said...

This is true, you are who you hang with 99.99999% of the time. Your friends can have an influence on how successful you are, how much weight you gain and other stuff. I do like traveling alone, but the friends I do have are, in some way, a reflection of me

Ricardo said...

Many of my friends right now are either married or depressed with where they are right now. I'm one of the few single people left. It's no fun.

It's true what you say. If you surround yourself with really motivated people it rubs off and gets you more motivated. I am trying to find that inner circle again of people like that. Feeling like you can do anything is something that you can never have too much of.

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